Date: October 1, 2023
Scripture: 1 Corinthians 13:1-13
Sermon Title: “Connected to Love” Sermon Series on Loneliness #4 “Social Media and Loneliness”
Preacher: Rev. Dr. Bob Jon
You can also listen on Podcast from iTunes and Spotify. Search for “Podcasting from Rev. Bob Jon.”
Yvette Vickers was a former Playboy playmate and B-movie star. She was best known for her role in Attack of the 50 Feet Woman in 1958. According to the news, her neighbor and fellow actress, Susan Savage, noticed the cobwebs and yellowing letters in her mailbox. So, she entered Vickers’s house by opening the door through a broken window. She made her way through the pile of junk mail and clothing. She went upstairs and found Vickers’s body mummified near a heater that was still running. And what was still illuminating the empty room was the glow from her computer.
Vickers was once known as the icon of the horror movie. However, as the news spread through Facebook and Twitter, it is said that she became the icon of a new and different kind of horror: “our growing fear of loneliness.”[1] Stephen Marche reports in The Atlantic that Vickers had no family, no children, no religious groups, and no immediate social circles. So, she turned to social media as the only outlet to communicate with others. As a matter of fact, it is believed that Vickers’s last phone call was not with her family or friends, but with a fan with whom she got acquainted on social media.
I believe that most of us here use social media, even some of our teenagers. According to Pew Research Center, nearly all teens in 2022 have their cell phones, which is up from 73% in 2014.[2] And, of course, social media is one of the big reasons why our young people use the cellphones. Some of us might say, “Oh, really? I gotta find them on Facebook and be friends with them.” You can forget it because Facebook is such an old school for our teenagers. They are mostly using YouTube, TikTok, Instagram, or Snapchat to communicate with one another. If you are on Facebook and Twitter, you are an old school like me.
But I am not here to criticize every use of social media either. Based on the theme of this sermon series, you could think that social media makes us lonely, and we need to stop using it. I initially thought that it could be the case, but my readings and conversation with my sermon team have helped me understand that just because you are on social media, it does not make you lonely, cut off from the social circles of families, friends, or neighbors. Social media is a tool to communicate with others and connect with others. It is a tool to improve the quality of our lives. But it can be problematic when it becomes the primary way to make friends and communicate rather than using it as a supplement.
Social media makes us compare with others, unintentionally creating relative deprivation for others. We often post on social media in our best moments. Of course, we want to share the joy with others to let them know that we are enjoying the best moment of our lives. But the problem is that there might be others who are having the worst moment of their lives. For example, a month ago, we lost power on Friday afternoon. After 30 hours of loss of power, our house finally got the power back. And I shouted on Facebook, “We have the power in our house now!” And Pastor Maylis still had no power until Sunday afternoon. Relative deprivation.
But I believe that when social media is used as the primary way of communication rather than supplementary, a bigger problem is concerned with the nature of social media: social media helps us speak, but not listen. As we often see in the commercial, the promise of these social media is to bring people together and connect them as a community. However, in reality social media is often manipulated to say whatever people want to say without being held accountable, whether their words are true or not, whether their words harm others or not. We do not even go to social media to learn something new. We are often chasing an echo chamber.
I am a pastor and use social media often to share pictures of my children. My wife often tells me to be sensitive to other clergy who do not have children. We don’t want to make them feel relative deprivation. But I also see the temptation of clergy to speak something not appropriate in public. Sometimes, I know some pastors go through trials and challenges with their families. I know some pastors who struggle with conflict with their churches. But instead of taking it to the Lord in prayer, they take it to Facebook in grumbling. They blast at everyone regardless of who the audience is, falsely hoping to be comforted by their supporters.
And I believe that we are, at a certain level, lonely in our human nature. God created us in God’s image. God blessed us to be happy in this world, as we are connected with God and others through love. However, as Genesis tells us, with the disobedience of God’s commands, sin came into the world and destroyed our connection with God. We were once separated from the love and righteousness of God, which proves that we are inherently lonely, constantly seeking something to fill the void in our hearts. Sometimes, it could be alcohol. It could be drugs. Or some others which I am not going to mention because of children among us.
But above all, we are often tempted to speak on social media so that we can be heard by others rather than hearing them. I once posted something on Facebook. I was trying to sound intellectual and theological, criticizing something about some kind of theological idea that I do not remember now. Anyway, another clergy saw it and commented in disagreement. And I commented on his comment in disagreement. And he commented on my comment on his comment in disagreement. It went on and on for a whole day until my wife called me, “OK. You are going to stop now. Everyone is watching, and it is not funny.”
The truth of the matter was that neither of us was listening. We were merely picking up what we wanted to see. Rather than trying to compliment the good point that the other person was making, we were trying to find something to negate the argument by the other. And we could not stop it because everyone was watching. Our ego was at risk. We were merely speaking, but not listening. That afternoon, I went to the police station since I was also working as a police chaplain. And the police chief said, “Oh, Pastor Bob. I did not know that you enjoyed such a dog fight.”
And our society runs like that, doesn’t it? Are you a Republican or a Democrat? Are you white or black? Are you a progressive Christian or a conservative Christian? We all have our own channels or news outlets to get information and interpretations of what is going on in our country and the world. We blast at others to be heard by them rather than hear them. And violence erupts from time to time, leading to the causalities of innocent victims. Although social media is a tool to communicate and bring us together, it often feeds on hatred, stereotypes, harsh words, and a lack of empathy.
But this is what Paul says in 1 Corinthians 13. I may speak multiple languages but do not have love, I am nothing. I may have several Ph.D. from the Ivy League schools. But if I do not have love, I am nothing. I might be genius enough to know the cure for every disease and illness. But I do not have love, I am nothing. I may be richer than Warren Buffett or Bill Gates and am generous enough to give away all my possessions. But if I do not have love, I gain nothing. Love is patient; Love is kind. Love is not envious or boastful or arrogant or rude. It does not insist on its own way. It is not irritable. It bears all things, believes, and endures all things.
I know a Korean pastor who once told me that when he was appointed to a church, there was a parishioner who just hated him for no reason. He could have confronted him, or just do not care about him at all. But he decided to practice what he preached. So, he started showing up at his parishioner’s business every day, which was a laundromat. He would bring some iced coffee. He would even help him fold some clothing, doing his work. One day, this parishioner told him, “You know, pastor, that I have not been nice to you all this time. Why are you nice to me?” His answer? “Well, isn’t that what Jesus taught us to do?”
Today, we celebrate World Communion Sunday. The day began at Shadyside Presbyterian Church in Pittsburg, PA, in 1933. Rev. Hugh Thompson Kerr and his congregation started this to demonstrate the interconnectedness of Christian churches, regardless of denomination.[3] Isn’t it wonderful that in our world, where people are divided by their languages, cultures, nationalities, denominations, politics, and socio-economic status, we all come together to celebrate there is One Bread and One Body? We affirm that our Christian faith calls us to build a bridge rather than a wall, and listen to others rather than speak.
Although sins came into the world and unfriended us from God, God proved God’s love for us by sending Christ to us, amending our broken relationship, and restoring us as God’s children. In our world where many of us wrestle with loneliness, this love of God is a gift for us that we are never alone. It is a gift that connects us to God and connects us with one another.
Amen.
[1] Stephen Marche, “Is Facebook Making Us Lonely?” in The Atlantic, https://www.theatlantic.com/magazine/archive/2012/05/is-facebook-making-us-lonely/308930/ (accessed on September 30, 2023)
[2] Emily A. Vogels, Risa Gelles-Watnick, and Navid Massarat, “Teens, Social Media and Technology 2022” in Pew Research Center, https://www.pewresearch.org/internet/2022/08/10/teens-social-media-and-technology-2022/ (accessed on September 30, 2023)
[3] Joe Iovino, “World Communion Sunday: A Celebration of Unity” https://www.resourceumc.org/en/content/world-communion-sunday-a-celebration-of-unity-and-service#:~:text=World%20Communion%20Sunday%20began%20as,R (accessed on September 30, 2023)
RAIN OF GRACE 